Sultan's Revenge

I'm gonna give you guys a fair warning. This post contains entirely too much information especially for you men who choose not to believe that women go poop. If that's you, I promise you this post will leave you completely disillusioned. But what good is this blog if I can't keep it real, right?

So here we go: 

My gastrointestinal tract has met its formidable match here in Turkey. This is what people like to refer to as the "Sultan's Revenge" ... and bruh, you don't want no problems with the bul Sultan. Its primarily the result of your stomach trying to adjust to the different kinds of bacteria in the foods and drinks here. It is also often referred to as Traveler's Diarrhea. I had heard about it before I came here so I made provisions in case I might run into problems. Basically, though, I was thinking -- Nah, yo I got bowels of steel. Ain't no way I'm going out like that. Ha!  -- 

NEGATIVE

Silly, me. This entire morning was spent in the bathroom, bubble guts on 110%. Luckily for me though, the Sultan and his 16th century ass are no match for my modern medicine goon squad:

 Mylanta, Pepto Bismol, and Tums--The realest in the game

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea aint really bout this life. They just not. With that being said, my digestive system is back in full effect, ready to put them paws on the Sultan next time he come around. 

Popped some Tums cause I'm shittin'. WHOO!

B.White of Zamunda

Today was my first day at work. I didn't have to teach a class but I did have to head a one hour speaking activity where you essentially sit with your students and casually converse with them. Since I'm a new teacher they had many questions for me. They showed a considerable amount of interest in the fact that I was American -- A good majority of the teachers are from either Canada, South Africa, or England. 

The students started asking where in the US I was from and I told them NY. After I told them that, they continued to ask where my parents, grandparents, and great grandparents were from. Every time I answered the "America" they kept replying "No, no, no!" and laughing like I telling them a joke. Then one of the more advanced speakers asked me where my family immigrated from. I told them my family has been in America for hundreds of years repeatedly but they simply wouldn't believe me ... (I later found out that this is because they have virtually no knowledge of the American slavery system). 

Honestly though it was the end of the class and I just got tired of trying to convince them. So rather than trying to give them a small history lesson (which would have been the right thing for me to do), I decided to tell them my family was from the African country of Zamunda just to shut them up.

Now, if Zamunda sounds familiar to you, its probably because you've seen the classic 1988 film Coming to America. Its the name of the fictional country Prince Akeem Joffer (Eddie Murphy) comes from -- But unless you're living under a rock or extremely White, then you already know this. So you understand the level of pure, unadulterated ignorance that I was spreading among these unsuspecting Turks. 

AND In doing this, I know I just committed what would be considered a mortal sin in the eyes of the African American Studies department but Molefi Asante n 'nem could just take a seat cause your girl got ignorant jokes that need to be told. 

Maybe one day I'll give them the real story but let me just ride this wave for a while without judgement.

Side Note

Lets give a shout out to James Earl Jones (the actor who portrayed Prince Akeem's father) for playing Mufasa, the greatest fictional African king in American cinema. 

There's Something About Brittany

All of my posts thus  far have been about my general day to day in Istanbul and not specifically dealing with being black in Turkey. Surprisingly, I get the feeling that that is due to the fact that Turks do not generally view Black people in any particular way. I had heard before coming over here that this would be the case but I couldn't really wrap my head around it. Turkey is not necessarily a melting pot of cultures, so I figured I would be subject to side eyes, unfriendliness, and cold shoulders. This is simply not the case. It is apart of the Turkish culture to be inherently welcoming and accommodating especially to foreigners. 

However, I have caught people staring at me on the train or in the street -- Stares that seem to stem from curiosity and not ill feelings or suspicion. People say things to me in Turkish when I walk by -- And judging by the tone its spoken it, I never take the words to be insults. Today, though, let me TELLLL YOU. Even though I had a feeling what was behind those stares, whispers, and comments, all that came to light today during and after my Bosphorous Cruise (which I'll tell you guys about when I'm not as tired). 

But bless their hearts, these people out here acting like I'm the most exotic thing they've ever seen. One man flat out told me I was an "exotic beautiful woman" while I was touring a little town called Anadolu Kavagi and after the cruise people came up to me (in some cases ran up to me) on three different occasions just to take a picture with me. One little girl even starting petting my hand and hair -- Of course knowing this was most certainly blog worthy, I asked them to take a picture with my camera as well. Definitely the most entertaining part of my day. 

FIRST THIS

I had just gotten off my Bosphorous cruise and was standing near the docks when these two girls ran up to me with HUGE smiles on their faces and tugged on my coat. Then two ladies, who I assumed to be their mothers, pulled out their camera phones and started snapping away. All paparazzi like and what not.  

NEXT THIS 

After my cruise I headed over to the Suleymaniye Mosque -- I know I look OD ridiculous with the scarf over my head but you know how the Islam thing goes. But word to Allah, Muhammad Ali, and Louis Farrakhan  this boy pictured here almost broke his neck trying to sneak a picture of me. So I just told him to stop playing and come get a piece of this hot chocolate -- resulting in this here fabulous picture of course. 

THEN THIS

This little girl was the cutest and most excited of my admirers today. She ran from across the courtyard of the mosque and hugged my leg. Her parents whipped out their camera phones and took pictures as she stroked my hand and patted my hair. I enjoyed her a lot.

So how funny is this? Guess the Turks missed the Black stereotype memo that was sent to the rest of the world. Fine by me.

Maybe I should stay here and be treated like the Nubian Queen that people wont let me be in the States.

 I'M TRYNNA BE GREAT AND THESE TURKS BE LETTIN ME

I Get Around

WHEW. So a lot has happened today. I was finally able to make it out of my neighborhood and venture into other parts of Istanbul. Today was a lesson in how to travel around the city. And let me tell you my friends, this makes SEPTA and the NYC Metro look like the "Basic Bitches" of public transportation -- They simply ain't shit compared to whats going on over here. There are so many ways of getting around this city its overwhelming.

Allow me to walk you through this...

FIRST THINGS FIRST.

First problem that needs to be solved is simply trying to navigate your way to the Metro station. It is apparent to me that people in Istanbul don't believe in street signs -- or pedestrian cross walks, or safe driving skills, or just general traffic regulation but whatever that's another story. So I found my way, and had to cop me an Istanbulkart which is basically a Metro card and is pictured above.

#THEULTIMATESTRUGGLE

Because I only know how to count to five in Turkish and I only had 50 TL bill (Turkish Lira) on me and there was no way in Hell I was gonna put 50 on that card... Your girl just wanted some change back. After sometime of unsuccessful communication, the frustrated people who were waiting behind me ended up helping a sister out. Struggle mission completed. I was all set to gallivant across the city to my leisure. So here we go.  

DOLMUŞ

The Dolmuş, meaning "Apparently Stuffed," is by far the most triflin form of transportation I've ever been on.  They are overcrowded little mini buses that run throughout the city and are only allowed to follow a certain route, similar to the Owl Loop for all you Temple Students. The reason why I find this experience particularly terrifying is A.) The lack of actual, physical seats. No lie, there's only like 5 seats on that entire bus -- Thats just so highly unacceptable, its not even funny and B.) The way you pay the driver -- People in the back of the bus ask you to pass their money up to the driver. The driver has a straw basket full of coins and bills, he digs the change out of the basket while driving, and you have to pass the money back down like an assembly line. 

Just absolutely ghetto as all hell.

I'm never riding this tacky ass bus again. 

 METROBUS

The Metro Bus is a normal bus. Nothing like the Dolmuş, thank you Jesus, praise the Lord. Its clean, its efficient, there's no passing anybody else's crusty ass money up to the driver... Just a simple swipe of your Istanbulkart and you're good to go. However, I did take the wrong bus coming home from work but I quickly found my way back. No biggie. I got this.

METRO

The metro is the subway in Istanbul. My neighborhood station is the Atakoy-Sirinevler stop. The train reminds me of the Broad Street Line in Philly with all the orange. Like the metro bus, it is simple efficient and clean. Again, just swipe your card and go. 

TRAM

The tram is the upgraded version of the Philly trolley system. Its an above-ground light rail. This one is the T1 which take you through the old city and to most of the famous historical sites located in the Sultanahmet area. You can catch one of these bad boys in the middle of the street or transfer from the metro. 

SEA FERRY

I stole this pic from Wikipedia because I haven't ridden it yet. But you get the point. The sea ferries takes you back and forth from the European and Asian sides of the city. 

SEA BUS

Stole this jawn too. Haven't been to the Asian side of things yet but I'll let ya'll know when I do.

All these modes of transportation are city operated. Thus far, it seems as if Istanbul pretty much has their shit together when it comes to moving people around the city efficiently and affordably.  Excluding the Dolmuş -- I didn't leave the hood in Philly, fly halfway across the world just so I can ride on some ignorant ass bus around town. 

A Few Things I Learned On My Way To Istanbul

Well I made it safe and sound. I haven't really gotten to explore yet because by the time I got all settled into my flat it was already around 5:30 PM over here. So that being said, I figured I would just take the time to talk about my thoughts on the journey over here.

Shall we commence? ... Lets.

1. SOMETHING IS BOUND TO GO WRONG

    And I say this not only because of this one trip but because of previous traveling experience. Even when your travel plans are going relatively smooth, at least one bullshit thing will happen to you. In this case, while making my way from Rochester to Newark Airport, I realized I left my computer power cord at home two hours into the drive. WOMP. Had to stop in this middle of nowhere town and pay $80 for a universal power adapter. 

2. ROCHESTER'S AIRPORT IS ONLY CONSIDERED INTERNATIONAL BECAUSE IT FLIES TO CANADA

GAY. Hence the 5 hour drive to Newark.

3. YOU CAN BRIBE THE CHECK-IN EMPLOYEES

So although I did successfully pack everything in two bags to avoid paying $200 for each extra bag,  these fools were gonna try and charge me $400 because both of my bags were over the 50 lb limit by only about 4 lbs. Luckily for me, the young man working the check out was running a little side hustle. I gave him $60 dollars to overlook the weight of my bags -- Financial disaster successfully averted. Shout out to you, young man, where ever you are. Swiss Air should be proud of your entrepreneurial spirit. 

4. ZzzQuil WORKS

Took some ZzzQuil so that I could sleep the entire 7 hour flight from Newark to Zurich. Might as well have gotten shot with a tranquilizer gun, bruh. Your girl was GONE. Slept through dinner and breakfast on that flight. Not to mention in doing that I don't have to deal with jet lag cause homie don't play that sleeplessness nonsense. Gotta keep my circadian rhythm on point. Ya heard me?

5. LINDT CHOCOLATE TASTES THE SAME IN SWITZERLAND AS IT DOES IN THE U.S.

If you ever find yourself in Switzerland, standing in front of a Lindt Chocolatier shop, don't be a fool like me and buy it thinking its gonna taste different in its homeland. I'm not gonna tell you how many Euros I spent for a small bag but I will tell you to save your money. You can buy this shit at Rite Aid. 

6. YOU CAN SEE THE SWISS ALPS FROM AN AIRPLANE

I ate lunch while catching an aerial view of the Swiss Alps. What did you do today?

7. TURKISH AIR KNOWS HOW TO FEED YOU

I used to look forward to getting biscoffs on the plane -- Not anymore. Turkish Airlines really just changed the game in monumental ways here. For only a two and a half hour connecting flight, I was served a meal of marinated chicken breasts, tomato rice, green beans over olive oil, plum cake, followed by Turkish tea (çay) and dried apricots. 

But basically from this point on anybody tries to hand me some dry ass pretzels/peanuts, I'm taking it as blatant disrespect and I'm slapping you across your face.

So anyway, I know seven an odd number to end with but this basically what happened during the 12 hours I went off the grid. 

Also just wanna thank God for getting me here safely and making sure my baggage didn't get lost. Amen.

Inceptum.

INCEPTUM.

I guess I'll be blogging. Not really sure how I feel about it but I suppose since communication will be limited, this is a nice way for you guys to keep up with my life -- For those of you who even care that is. Anywaydoe, I've survived the packing process. I was limited to only TWO bags for these next 6 months  unless I wanted to pay an utterly ridiculous $200 a pop for each extra bag... 

AintNobodyGotTimeForThat. 

But middle finger to Swiss Air, I successfully packed everything I needed in two suitcases and one carry on. Figuring out how to fit it all was definitely a test of mental fortitude but your girl was victorious and now you can consider me an expert on strategic packing -- Come see about me. 

I will admit I'm starting to get nervous and sad that I'm leaving behind everything and everybody I know for a bit but that's normal. I have no idea what to expect -- I've never been to Turkey, I don't speak the language, and  I don't know the culture. However, I have eaten Şiş Kebabs before... So basically I'm ignorant as Hell when it comes to all things Turkish.  And therein lies the rub, my good friends. But this is a learning experience and I'll be a better person when its all said and done. And lest we not forget that  I can write "Pretty. Witty. Girly. Worldy." in all my social networking bios and really mean the "Worldy" part. These are the things that really matter, people. 

Addendum:

Some of you know that I gave up the "N Word" for Lent but in trying to find a name for this blog, I simply could not resist the temptation -- It was overwhelming. 

Sorry Lord.